Tämä teksti on kirjoitettu Colin Sissonin uutiskirjeessä julkaistavaksi, ja se on olemassa vain englanniksi. – Originally written for Colin Sissons newsletter. And I have no idea why this Blogger wants to add an empty space above these first lines.
"Being present is about waking up to our unconsciousness." This expression sums up beautifully how the process of consciousness is an effortless one, which unfolds itself when we choose to give it an opportunity. Be or be not, there is no do, there is no try. No technique. Though I myself am such a struggler and fixer that if I don't remind myself of it, I drift away from being into trying. And that's why I love that expression: it is a great reminder.
Our personal point of power is always now. It is in making a conscious choice and decision to fully be with our emotions and our resisting to emotions. Fully be with our experience. Whatever we feel and sense. However we like it. However it is.
Sometimes when I practice this choice-making I look forward to the next moment: I ask myself "How do I like my current experience and what I feel?", and I expect the intuitive answer to arrive in the next moment. It is not there simultaneously (just because I judge my present experience as bad, want to escape it and wait for it to change for a better). Then again, I know that my feelings are already here and now. If I am not fully aware of them, it is not because they have "not yet arrived" to the Now. It is simply because I haven't chosen to feel them.
Conscious choice and decision to... Wait a second – a choice over what? If I don't choose to be with my experience, it must mean I have already made some other choice instead. But I haven't noticed myself making any! So does it mean that I have made it unconsciously?
Unconscious choice and decision not to be aware of my feelings.
Unconscious choice and decision not to be with my feelings and resistings.
When I go about my days, I have a chance to make a choice in each and every moment. What a great opportunity! I'll simplify for the sake of an example. If I'm going somewhere by walking down an old route which I already know, and I just walk, I either unconsciously choose to be mostly aware only of the outer world around me, or I can consciously choose to shift my focus also on my inner world and on how it feels to be in that moment. And if I don't like it, I unconsciously choose to judge and resist it and block it out, or I can consciously choose to be with my feelings, judgings and resistings. Or if I happen to be full of joy I can consciously choose to fully feel it deep in my bones and cells, as well as high in my vibes!
I can choose my exper... Wait a second... – I do choose my experience in every moment. If it's not a conscious choice, then it's unconscious. Most of the time I personally am drifting in my thoughts about past and future and I am not present, which means I choose my experience unconsciously, but that's okay. Every now and then I wake up to it and remember myself again, and I can be aware of my experience and feelings. Great! But while that makes me more conscious of myself, I suspect that I'm not fully conscious – and when it comes to choices and decisions, the unconscious part of me is still doing it's share. But that's okay too, and I can always observe it!
As to the question "conscious choice and decision over what?" one of my answers is "Over my unconscious conditioning and my unconscious relation to this present feeling – over the unconscious choosing which is there all the time even if I haven't noticed it".
My supressions are result of earlier unconcious choices to not allow some experiences and feelings to be felt. I have resisted them and thus stored them in my psyche. My chronic physical tensions are result of unconcious choices to not feel them. I have chosen to have them all as part of my whole being. I've chosen it all in my life.
I also love questions that help us to observe different aspects of our unconsiousness, thus help us to wake up to it. At the moment questions such as have arisen to me:
What is the way that I have chosen, and still am choosing, to be here and now?
What are the feelings that I have unconsciously chosen to have as part of me, but do not want to acknowledge?
What may be the resistances that I am choosing to have as part of me?
What is it that I have chosen?
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